Yours And My Secret
by Pretty.Little.Liars
Summary: In which boys will be boys and occassionally girls and missions suck ass. ---- SasukeOC.
1. For A Vacation

**Title:** Yours And My Secret  
**Author:** Ugly.Beautiful  
**Genre:** Romance / Humor  
**Rating:** T for suggestive themes  
**Pairing:** Sasuke x OC, slight Kakashi x Sakura, Naruto x OC (mention of a past Naruto x Gaara)  
**Spoilers:** None  
**Summary:** In which boys will be boys (and occasionally girls) and missions suck ass.  
**Word Count: **854  
**Warnings:** There will be cross-dressing from the male and female genders as well as some gender-confusion and a misuse of the Sexy jutsu. Also some bi-ness from our Kyuubi holder

**Disclaimer:** If you don't recognize the character, chances are I own them. Otherwise, it belongs to Masashi Kishimoto. The part of the summery stating "boys will be boys, and occasionally girls" belongs to a quote from _Vampire Game_ by Judal.

* * *

Sasuke was seriously considering that being a ninja (especially an elite shinobi, such as himself) was not all it was cracked up to be. This had to be the _stupidest_ damn thing he had ever taken part in, and that _included_ that stupid ramen eating contest he had gotten into on Naruto's seventeenth birthday a year ago. He scowled. Why _was_ he doing this again?

Naruto whined as his scowl caused Sakura to smear her work. "Come _on_, teme. Think about it… a _vacation_."

Oh yeah. That's why. Kakashi _and_ Tsunade had promised them a three-month, mission-less vacation if this mission went smoothly. His eyes glazed over. So much training… Even though the three of them weren't technically Team 7 anymore, they still completed missions together. It was helpful to train as a group, but a guy needed to train by himself sometimes. But that old hag, as Naruto liked to call her, wouldn't let that happen. She seemed to delight (if her insane cackling was any clue) in giving them someone-lost-their-cat-will-you-please-go-find-it missions of gee-I-wonder-if-I'm-gonna-die missions and Sasuke was sick of it. This mission couldn't be that bad… could it?

"Here Sasuke-kun, let me touch up your blush."

Sasuke glared at the pink haired kunoichi until she removed herself (and the evil blush of doom) from his personal bubble.

He took that back, it _could_ be bad, but he would do it anyway. For the vacation. And because he was a good ninja. _Not_ because he was curious about what went on in a brothel.

You see, Tsunade (may her wrinkles be endless) had discovered a missing-nin entering Konoha. He had apparently been spending a lot of time at Hidden Leaf's few brothels.

Sasuke smirked, before brushing Sakura's hands away from his hair. _Jiraiya-sama seems to have a clone._

Anyway, the mission was to weasel out information from the girls and customers there and the easiest way to do that was to infiltrate the brothel. So it had been decided by the Hokage (damn her) that Sasuke would be the only one able to complete something so delicate without being… distracted. _Otherwise she could have picked Kakashi- sensei,_ he supposed. It was also because he looked so effeminate and pretty, but wasn't something to be said in Sasuke's hearing range.

"Well, well, well, what have we here? You look so pretty… _Sasuke-chan_." Kakashi's visible eye was curved upwards in amusement.

Sasuke tried to glare at the silver-haired jounin, but his smoky eyes and shimmering lips ruined the effect. Realizing the famous Uchiha death glare wasn't working, he simply huffed and turned to look at himself in the full-length mirror.

His eyes widened. _Whoa…_

Sakura had really done a good job (you know, besides the fact that she had used _the_ Sasuke Uchiha as her own personal dress-up doll). The slinky black number he had shimmied into fit him like a second skin. The B-sized padding Sakura had sewn into the chest of the dress overlooked the fact that he had almost no hips. The strap-y heels made his smooth legs (courtesy of some lotion Sakura had lying around) seem longer than they already were.

What had taken the longest was his unruly hair. Since he had flat-out refused hair extensions, Sakura had just teased out his hair so it was spiky in a wild and sexy I-just-rolled-out-of-bed-please-ravish-me-again kind of look.

Sasuke twisted around so he could see everything. The silver bracelets were annoying and so was the pendent hanging over his collarbone. And if the Uchiha had thought girls were crazy before (which he had) now he _knew_ for a fact they were. He fingered the dangling earrings in his ears. Who the hell would do that to themselves willingly? It had _hurt_.

"Are you done admiring yourself, teme?" Naruto demanded.

"He's right, Sasuke-kun, we need to work on mannerisms and your voice before we go," Sakura added.

The glare he had directed at Naruto disappeared, only to be replaced by what could only be described as "bedroom eyes." His lips opened slowly and in a sultry, slightly gravely (but nonetheless feminine sounding) voice said, "Good evening sir, how may I please you?"

Three jaws dropped as Sasuke smirked in victory.

Naruto whistled appreciatively. "Damn Sasuke, if I didn't hate you, I'd totally do you."

Stepping smoothly in between them as Sasuke launched himself at the hysterically laughing blond, Sakura calmly asked Kakashi. "What about a name? He can't introduce himself as Sasuke, you know."

Sasuke paused, arms outstretched to choke. He forgot about a name. Hmmm….

"Suke."

He turned to face Naruto. "Excuse me?"

"Soo- kay," he said slowly, as if Sasuke were stupid.

"What kind of stupid-"

"I like it." Sasuke to Sakura, jaw dropping. "Cute, feminine, easy to remember." She shrugged, turning back to Kakashi. "Works for me."

"And since you're the expert, that means we're good to go." He vanished in a puff of smoke.

"Hey! Wait a minute!" Sasuke groaned as his two teammates vanished one after the other. _Oh man,_ he thought, taking a look in the mirror one last time. _I have a bad feeling about this.

* * *

_

**A/N:** And thus we have the first chapter of an incredibly short story. This idea came to me when I was thinking about what would happen if two missions… crossed paths. And not in a good way either. In an oh-my-God-I-hate-my-life-how-could-this-happen-to-me kind of way. It's all in good fun, though. It's all in good fun.


	2. A Deal?

**Title:** Yours And My Secret  
**Author:** Ugly.Beautiful  
**Genre:** Romance / Humor  
**Rating:** T for suggestive themes  
**Pairing:** Sasuke x OC, slight Kakashi x Sakura, Naruto x OC (mention of a past Naruto x Gaara)  
**Spoilers:** None  
**Summary:** In which boys will be boys (and occasionally girls) and missions suck ass.  
**Word Count: **2,308  
**Warnings:** There will be cross-dressing from the male and female genders as well as some gender-confusion and a misuse of the Sexy jutsu. Also some bi-ness from our Kyuubi holder

**Disclaimer:** If you don't recognize the character, chances are I own them. Otherwise, it belongs to Masashi Kishimoto. The part of the summery stating "boys will be boys, and occasionally girls" belongs to a quote from _Vampire Game_ by Judal.

* * *

_I hate Tsunade. I hate Tsunade. I hate Tsunade, _Sasuke repeated to himself inside his head as another man tried to grab some ass. He had been at this for an hour and all he had managed to figure out was the man's name was Yuki and he was from Snow Country (go figure).

"Hello sir, maybe I can help you?"

Sasuke stiffened, his eyes closed tightly as he turned around. He _knew_ that voice, that simpering, sickly sweet voice dripping with blonde-ness. One eye opened and he groaned. Dammit!

There was Naruto, using his oh-so-famous sexy jutsu, wearing more than clouds but still less than Sasuke. At the moment, he was straddling some man's lap, running slender fingers down the man's chest. Sasuke watched, intrigued, as Naruto leaned forward, ample chest rubbing against the man, to whisper in his ear. The man leaned forward so they were pressed more firmly against each other and whispered back.

Sasuke's eyes narrowed. Why was Naruto smirking like that?

Naruto, or Naruko as he was calling himself today, ran his lips across the man's cheek before kissing him full on the mouth. Slowly inching away, Naruto bestowed the man with a soft, sexy smile, before leaving the dazed man to walk towards Sasuke.

As the blonde walked past him, he hissed out of the corner of his mouth, "Yuki from Snow Country, jounin rank, last seen here two days ago."

The Uchiha's mouth dropped open as he watched the scantily clad blonde keep walking. How the hell- He scowled. Why the fuck didn't the hag have the dope do this?! Probably thought he'd be "Distracted." _Apparently_ the men who frequented this place didn't want mysterious, alluring, dark-haired beauties. They just wanted some action.

Dark eyes widened, then narrowed again as he followed Naruto across the room with his eyes. There sat Kakashi, in the middle of a couch. But that wasn't the surprising part. (Kakashi? In a brothel? No way!)

After Naruto had fought his way through the horde of fangirls grouped in front of the masked ninja (also not the surprising part), he leaned down to whisper in his ear. Sasuke noticed his chest brushed against Kakashi's, but either they didn't notice or didn't care. Kakashi nodded and Naruto skipped off (yes, literally) to throw his arms around a customer who had been eying him.

The thing that surprised Sasuke was the fact that Sakura, wearing an outfit somewhere in between Naruto's skimpy one and Sasuke's classy one, was draped over Kakashi like a blanket. Her arms were around his neck and her legs thrown across his lap. One of his arms was curled around her lower back, his hand on her hip. His other hand was resting easily on her bare thigh. That could have all been acting. But Sasuke really didn't see why Sakura had to glare at every girl who walked by like she was a jealous lover unless…

Sasuke shook his head. Moving on.

The Uchiha twitched when the brothel door slammed open, before looking up to see who it was. _Holy fuck…_

The man in the doorway wasn't anything special, at least not to the naked eye. He was short, maybe Sasuke's height it he stood _really_ straight. He wasn't eerily beautiful like Neji or roguishly handsome like Kiba. But there was something… different about him. Something that Sasuke couldn't quite put his finger on. Maybe it was the way he seemed to float with every step, a liquid grace hiding the power underneath the slim form. Maybe it was the fact that he had the most beautiful hair Sasuke had ever seen. Not as long as Neji's waist-length locks, but shinier and black as night, with bangs that brushed against insanely long eyelashes. Or maybe it was the steely, storm cloud grey eyes, which peeked out from underneath his bangs. They glinted like steel in the brothel's dim light, in the hardened way only an experienced shinobi's eyes shone.

Sasuke's heart beat double time as the scantily clad hostess ask if anyone had caught his eye, and the man's eyes swept lazily around the room. One eyebrow arched at Sharingan Kakashi being viciously guarded by a pink-haired kunoichi who looked far too young for him. Those grey eyes locked with Sasuke's and the Uchiha skipped a breath, not realizing he was acting like every other natural female in the room, except for Sakura. Those stormy eyes paused at him for a moment, before….

"That one," the man answered, before pointing over Sasuke's head. For one second the Hidden Snow headband wrapped around his wrist had his attention before Uchiha pride kicked in and he wanted to know who the hell was more interesting than _him_.

_Please, please, __**please**_, he thoughts as he turned around, _don't be_, and his eyes fell on who the man had pointed at. "Naruto," he growled.

Although, from a male's perspective, Sasuke supposed he could see why Naruto had been picked over him. Sasuke was sitting with one other man, whose hands he kept shooing away from his ass. Naruto, on the other hand, was surrounded by half-a-dozen men, climbing and rubbing and touching all over them.

_Dobe's probably enjoying himself,_ Sasuke pouted to himself. Naruto never hid the fact that he was bi, not that anyone was surprised about the fact anyway. Naruto had a heart of gold, why would gender affect his love life? The fact that he was rather… promiscuous could completely be attributed to Kakashi and Jiraiya. He felt, he didn't think. Though, when he and Gaara had had a fling last year, well, _that_ had thrown everyone for a loop.

By now, Naruto had stood gracefully before the Snow Country man; eyelashes lowered demurely, arms clasped in a way that showed off more cleavage than Sasuke had ever seen.

Sasuke spun around with a pout (glare, he reminded himself) on his porcelain face. The man next to him was notified to leave by the death glare in his eyes.

"So you see Ri-kun," Sasuke heard Naruto from right behind him, "I have so many clients already, I would hate to leave you… unsatisfied." Sasuke felt slender arms wrap around him from behind and he made a note to kill Naruto later. "But Suke-chan here," he continued, leaning over the couch and onto Sasuke, "is too expensive for most of our regulars." Sasuke felt Naruto move and turned to see him practically melt into the Snow ninja. "But I'm sure a fine shinobi from Snow Country, like yourself," he ran his hand across the headband around his wrist, "has more than enough money to spark our most talented employees interest." He turned to Sasuke with a wink.

Sasuke frowned. _Did he just wink at me? Why-_ He glared. _I hate that damn fox._ He wondered, and not for the first time, if Kyuubi could hear people's heart rates, in which case Naruto would have known of Sasuke's interest in the man the moment his heart beat out of time. _Great_.

Ri's voice made Sasuke snap back to the conversation. His voice was smooth and clear as water and almost as emotionless as the Hyuuga's. "If I am such a rich client, as you say," he said, "should I not have the right to chose my own woman? And you seem…" He glanced at the eager-eyes men awaiting the blonde's return. "… popular."

Flipping one of his blonde pigtails over his shoulder, Naruto said, "I'm cheap, and I know a few tricks, but Suke-chan, she can-" Naruto leaned in to whisper in the man's ear.

Sasuke watched curiously as the man's hands, holding on Naruto's hips, tightened considerably. When he pulled away, his face was blushing profusely.

There was a pause, before the man nodded jerkily and stepped away from Naruto, towards Sasuke.

Naruto grinned cheekily at the two of them before spinning around to leave, but not before tossing Sasuke another wink.

Sasuke watched Naruto return to his eager-eyed customers, easily sliding in between two of them. He'd probably stay here all night to "have a little fun," as he liked to call it. And because of Kyuubi's damn chakra that damn boy _could_ stay here all damn night. Damn him.

"Ahem."

Sasuke felt the couch shift next to him and gulped, before turning around with a sultry smile.

_Why the hell am I acting like this? Maybe Naruto's bi-ness rubbed off on me. I spend way too much… time… with… him…_Sasuke thoughts trailed off when he felt a smooth hand trail up his mostly bare thigh. He shivered as the light callous' brushed against his skin.

"So Suke-chan," Ri murmured, his fingers sliding over Sasuke's hip and up his side. "I hear you can copy any move you see."

Sasuke's eyes widened. Why that little- He turned his Sharingan into some kind of… sex toy!

"That's a very… interesting talent," the man said, running his fingers through Sasuke's hair. "For a whore."

Sasuke, he had reminded himself to shiver under the man's touch (don't want to blow our cover now do we?) stiffened.

The man chuckled, twirling a strand around one of his long fingers. "You puff up like a peacock when you get angry, you know that?" When Sasuke tried to scoot farther down the couch, Ri grabbed him by the shoulder. "Don't be angry little bird, you're just what I'm looking for." The hand traveled down the bare shoulder, all the way down the smooth arm, so his thumb could rub at the pulse on Sasuke's wrist.

"What?" Sasuke growled. "A cheap thrill?"

The man chuckled again. "From what I have gathered, you are in no way cheap, though it would be a thrill." He sighed ad let go of Sasuke. Leaning back with his elbows on the back of the couch and his legs spread apart, he regarded Sasuke coolly. "But I'm not looking for that anyway."

After a moment of silence, Sasuke ventured a question. "What _are_ you looking for?"

"In your line of work, a woman with you… talents," he nodded graciously towards the bristling Sasuke, "is sure to attract only the richest clients. And the man I'm looking for is anything but poor."

"The man you're looking for?"

He jingled the wrist his headband was wrapped around. "I believe he has recently entered his village?"

"You're looking for Yuki?!" Sasuke exclaimed, lurching forward. _Ha. Ha. Take that Naruto!_

The man looked interested. "So you've heard of my unfortunate brother, have you?"

Sasuke relaxed, reminding himself not to blow this mission. "Maybe I have and maybe I haven't, what's it to you?"

The man settled more easily against the couch. "It seems we're both looking for information, doesn't it?" He fell silent for a moment. "I'll tell you what, how about we make a deal, you and I?"

Sasuke cocked his head to the side; in a way that Sakura said made him look "utterly adorable." "A deal?"

The man smiled softly and cupped Sasuke's cheek with his small hand. "Yes, little bird, a deal. If you tell me something, I'll give you payment. And if I tell you something, you give me payment. Seem fair?"

Sasuke thought about it for a minute. _Well, it's not like I know that much anyway._ He nodded.

"Brilliant!" The man exclaimed, reaching into his jounin vest to pull out a huge wad of money. He pulled away a good amount (the same amount he was getting paid to _do_ this stupid mission, Sasuke noted) and regard Sasuke coolly. "Now… can you tell me what Yuki's punishment will be should Konoha capture him?"

_Why would he give that much for some stupid- Oh yeah. They're brothers._ He shrugged. "It depends. If he doesn't harm any of Konoha's citizens, they'll probably just send him back to Snow Country. If he _does_ hurt someone under Tsunade-sama… she'll probably have him killed."

The widening of Ri's eyes was barely noticeably and he nodded, sliding the money discreetly into Sasuke's hand. He watched as Sasuke slipped the money into his dress and then waited patiently and Sasuke realized he was waiting for his question. _Uhhh…. I know I need to find out where he's staying but I don't think this guy knows what that crazy- Wait a minute. _"What did he do anyway?"

Ri jumped, eyebrows creasing as he made a puzzled face. "Uhhh… well, he attempted to kill the Yukikage, and when he tried to escape, he killed five of the jounin guards."

"Oh." Sasuke bristled as Ri kept staring at him. "_What_?"

"My payment, little bird," he answered calmly.

"Oh," Sasuke mumbled again. "What do you want?"

Ri shrugged and leaned back into the couch. "Don't know. What are you good at?"

_Fighting,_ his mind answered immediately. _Like I can say that. Think fast Uchiha! Ummm…ummm…_ He turned when he heard a short whistle. Naruto was giving him a weird look. Sasuke frowned. _Stupid Kyuubi hearing. Hey, what-_

Naruto tapped his eyes and pointed to Sasuke; a signal the two of them had developed when the situation called for silence. So the Uchiha tilted his head so his bangs covered his eyes and activated his Sharingan. Then he blushed fire.

The Sharingan memorized Naruto's movements as the blonde rubbed against the man in front of him. It watched and memorized how to kiss like you were drinking from someone else's mouth, how to slide your thigh in between their legs and make them groan.

Sasuke jerked around when someone lightly touched his arm.

"Are you alright?" Ri's stormy eyes widened when he was confronted with a pair of swirling Sharingan eyes. "Uchiha," he hissed. "You're a-"

Sasuke did the only thing his recently Sharingan imprinted mind could think of to shut him up. He kissed him.

And he didn't have to remind himself to like it.

* * *

**A/N:** Chapter 2! Of what has our dear Sasuke gotten himself into now? 


	3. Alas The Dismal Fate Of Sasuke

**Title:** Yours And My Secret  
**Author:** Ugly.Beautiful  
**Genre:** Romance / Humor  
**Rating:** T for suggestive themes  
**Pairing:** Sasuke x OC, slight Kakashi x Sakura, Naruto x OC (mention of a past Naruto x Gaara)  
**Spoilers:** None  
**Summary:** In which boys will be boys (and occasionally girls) and missions suck ass.  
**Word Count: **371  
**Warnings:** There will be cross-dressing from the male and female genders as well as some gender-confusion and a misuse of the Sexy jutsu. Also some bi-ness from our Kyuubi holder

**Disclaimer:** If you don't recognize the character, chances are I own them. Otherwise, it belongs to Masashi Kishimoto. The part of the summery stating "boys will be boys, and occasionally girls" belongs to a quote from _Vampire Game_ by Judal.

* * *

Sasuke had to force his body not to play the dominant, male role. _I'm a girl,_ he reminded himself, before he lost all ability to think at all. 

A warm body pushed him into the couch and then rested on top of him. Sasuke shifted so his lower body was lying sideways, knees tucked up and facing the outside of the couch. It wasn't the most comfortable position to make-out in, but it _did_ hide his… er… pressing… problem.

He gasped when he felt Ri's sinfully skillful mouth attach itself to Sasuke's sensitive neck. His eyes fluttered closed and he sighed. When he felt Ri shiver against his body, he opened his eyes, only for them to land on the shell of Ri's ear. Without thinking, he licked it delicately and took delight in the fact that it made Ri's body stiffen and then slump heavily over his own.

That is, he took delight in the fact until Ri's teeth bit down on his neck, then sucked at the spot lightly. Unable to help himself, Sasuke moaned loudly.

Above him, he felt Ri stiffen again, but this time he got off the Uchiha. Sasuke looked up incoherently, through confused, lust-clouded eyes. "Why-"

"Gomen nasai," Ri whispered, staring at Sasuke as if he were a ghost. "I didn't mean to-" He rambled off, and then bolted.

Suddenly, the full weight of what had just happened hit Sasuke like a kunai between the eyes. His eyes widened and he stared breathing heavily. Looking around frantically, his eyes fell on his teammates and he staggered over to them.

Grabbing Naruto by one of his long, blonde pigtails, he was removed from sucking the face of the man in front of him with a loud lip smack and a muffled, "Hey!" He grabbed Sakura out of mid-air as she lunged at a girl who had made goo-goo eyes at Kakashi. The jounin followed them all calmly.

When he reached the alleyway next to the brothel, he let go of his two teammates rougher than necessary and crossed his arms, huffing angrily.

"What the hell, teme?!"

"Sasuke-kun?"

At that moment, two people, on different sides of the same brothel, both shouted the same thing.

"I'M GAY!"

* * *

**A/N:** This was originally longer, since it and chapter 4 went together, but this cliffhanger is so funny! 


	4. Sasuke Finds Out The Truth

**Title:** Yours And My Secret  
**Author:** Ugly.Beautiful  
**Genre:** Romance / Humor  
**Rating:** T for suggestive themes  
**Pairing:** Sasuke x OC, slight Kakashi x Sakura, Naruto x OC (mention of a past Naruto x Gaara)  
**Spoilers:** None  
**Summary:** In which boys will be boys (and occasionally girls) and missions suck ass.  
**Word Count: **927  
**Warnings:** There will be cross-dressing from the male and female genders as well as some gender-confusion and a misuse of the Sexy jutsu. Also some bi-ness from our Kyuubi holder

**Disclaimer:** If you don't recognize the character, chances are I own them. Otherwise, it belongs to Masashi Kishimoto. The part of the summery stating "boys will be boys, and occasionally girls" belongs to a quote from _Vampire Game_ by Judal.

* * *

"W- what?" 

Sasuke glared at Naruto. "I'm gay. G-A-Y. And I'm blaming you! Your bi-ness rubbed off on me!" He grabbed a hold of the blonde woman and started to shake her violently (a la Lee and Tenten) "How am I supposed to revive my clan now?!"

Kakashi removed Sasuke's hands from Naruto's throat. "You know as well as I do that being bi cannot rub off of someone, ne Sasuke? You are simply overreacting."

"OVERREACTING?!"

"Is this about the young man Naruto paired you with?" When Sasuke nodded, Kakashi sighed and stuck his nose into the orange book he had whipped out of nowhere.

For a moment, he was irritated that his sensei seemed to not care about his clan's impending doom, but then he became more concerned with the fact that he. Was. _GAY!_ Oh the dismal fate of the lustrous Uchiha clan.

"Okay, okay," Sakura said, trying to calm him down. "Now, tell us what happened, Sasuke-kun."

He bared his teeth at Naruto one last time before mumbling something.

Sakura glanced at Naruto (who shrugged) and then back to Sasuke. "What was that?"

"I KISSED HIM!"

Sakura looked taken aback for a moment, before she managed to stutter out, "Well, d –did you like it?"

"It's not _my_ fault if-"

"That's a yes," Naruto cut in.

"ARGH!" Sasuke screamed, snatching the bag Kakashi had pulled out of God-knows-where. With more force than necessary, he yanked out a pair of black pants. After he chucked his strappy heels at Kakashi (who dodged it) and Naruto (who what hit between the eyes and fell back with a loud, "The fuck!") he pulled them on underneath his dress. With a furious slash of his hands he literally tore the dress off himself. No he looked like a pretty, topless, extremely flat-chested girl. How interesting. After throwing the bag at Kakashi (who once again dodged the projectile) he wiped all the make-up off his face. No smearing either, because Uchiha's are just good like that.

Since Kakashi's nose was still stuck in his book, only Sakura and Naruto got to see Sasuke march out of the alley, mumbling insults and death threats to himself and tearing the poor, innocent dress into teeny tiny pieces.

Figuring they should go catch him before his all-out angsting "I'm gay"- ness turned into mind numbing physical violence, they ran around the corner…

… only to run straight into a dumbfounded Sasuke's back.

"Sasuke-kun?"

"Teme?"

"W- w- w- what? How?"

Irritated by this lack of information, the two peered around the stammering Uchiha to see what the problem was.

And lo and behold, but who stood before them but Ri, the (male) object of Sasuke's (unwanted) affections. Yes, there he stood, his pants replaced with the shortest pair of shorts any of them had ever sent and with his hair in a braid instead of hanging free. His brilliantly blushing face was understandable since is shirt was pulled halfway up his chest, revealing a pierced naval and… bindings around his chest?

"Hey, let me get those for you," someone piped up from behind the blushing Snow ninja. Ri's eyes widened at the sound of ripping cloth and he just managed to pull down his shirt as the bandages fell away.

"Hey, teme, do all he guys you kiss have boobs? Cause that's kinda weird."

For once, Sasuke didn't rise to Naruto's taunt; he was too busy staring at the un-bandaged (though t-shirt covered), suddenly much larger chest of the "man" in front of him.

"Y- you're a-" Unable to form a coherent sentence (for once in the genius's life) he merely gestured at the girl's chest.

At any other time, said girl would have been offended at the staring directing towards the chest region, but she was too busy staring at the clearly male chest of the person in front of her. "How…"

Shaking his head, the Uchiha forced himself to stop staring. "Mission," he explained.

"Me, too." Shaking her head in… exasperation? Confusion? Relief? She said, "Suke-"

"Sasuke," he interrupted, still slightly confused. "Uchiha Sasuke."

"And I'm Suri. Tamaka Suri." She was still staring at his chest, as if it were some sort of intricate genjutsu she had to dispel. "You're really a boy?"

"Last time I checked. And you- you're really a girl, right?" Behind him, Naruto and Sakura rolled their eyes and started making kissy faces at each other.

"Since the day I was born." She started to blush lightly. "And we- we really k- k- k-"

"Kissed?" A boy her age asked, popping up from behind her, the Snow headband around his forehead shining in the afternoon sun.

Suri turned around with a glare, opening her mouth to yell at (what Sasuke guessed was) her teammate. But her angry retort turned into a scream as the boy pushed her forward.

As Sasuke reached out instinctively to catch her, his own teammates (he planned on killing them later) shoved him towards the falling girl.

As each of them was unable to stop, they both smashed face first into the other. For a moment, they stood there, wide-eyed, lip-locked, and confused, until Suri closed her eyes with a sigh and leaned into him.

With a sigh that was more a groan than anything else, Sasuke pressed her close to him, closing his own eyes, and deepening the kiss.

_Well,_ he thought to himself as he felt delicate fingers weave through his hair and heard the quiet giggling of their teammates in the background, _now they'll be no problem reviving my clan.

* * *

_

**A/N: **And only the epilogue remained.


	5. Epilogue

**Title:** Yours And My Secret  
**Author:** Ugly.Beautiful  
**Genre:** Romance / Humor  
**Rating:** T for suggestive themes  
**Pairing:** Sasuke x OC, slight Kakashi x Sakura, Naruto x OC (mention of a past Naruto x Gaara)  
**Spoilers:** None  
**Summary:** In which boys will be boys (and occasionally girls) and missions suck ass.  
**Word Count:** 506  
**Warnings:** There will be cross-dressing from the male and female genders as well as some gender-confusion and a misuse of the Sexy jutsu. Also some bi-ness from our Kyuubi holder

**Disclaimer:** If you don't recognize the character, chances are I own them. Otherwise, it belongs to Masashi Kishimoto. The part of the summery stating "boys will be boys, and occasionally girls" belongs to a quote from _Vampire Game_ by Judal.

* * *

"You know," Sakura mused, pausing to grab the headband Suri dropped on the table, "this mission wasn't so bad."

"I agree," Sasuke panted, releasing Suri's lips long enough to answer. They were sprawled on the couch where they had first met.

"Mmmm, yeah. I like Snow Country boys," Naruto (still in girl form) moaned as the two teammates of Suri (introduced as Yuuhi and Tre) each sucked on a different side of his neck.

FLASHBACK

"How long do you thing they'll suck face," Naruto panted, crossing his arms and frowning cutely. He wanted to get back to his customers inside.

"I can keep you company, sweetie," one of Suri's teammates said, sliding in bedside him. His short auburn ponytail rested against his neck and his green eyes sparkled.

"And what about you, honey?" The other one added, ragged blonde hair half covering hazel eyes, wandering in beside Sakura.

"This honey is taken, I'm afraid," Kakashi cut in, pulling an unresisting Sakura up against his side.

"Or not," he mumbled, sliding in to Naruto's other side. "Name's Tre and his," he added, jerking his thumb at the other boy, "is Yuuhi."

"You're not going to fight over me are you?" Naruto sighed. "Because there's enough of me to go around, you know."

"Hey wait," Yuuhi said, glancing at the (still) snogging couple behind him. "You _are_ a girl, right?"

"At the moment I am," Naruto answered, flipping a pigtail over his shoulder.

The two boys looked at each other and apparently came to an agreement. "Works for us," they both said at the same time, before leaning in to kiss any bare skin they could reach.

END FLASHBACK

"Hey, Kakashi-sensei," Naruto said, wedging one knee in between Tre's legs as he straddled him and letting his hand wander under Yuuhi's shirt. "We should travel to Snow Country more often."

"Mm-hm," Kakashi murmured as Sakura tied Suri's headband over his eyes before she leaned down to leave a trail of hickies down his neck. "I will definitely see about that."

"What do you think, Suri?" Yuuhi asked, before leaning down to capture Naruto's lips.

"Yeah, you think it's alright if this… fine shinobi," Tre paused to moan as Naruto moved his knee _just right_, "come visit us?"

"I'm not sure," she answered. At Sasuke's incredulous, slightly panicked expression, she laughed and ruffled his hair. "Only if my little bird comes with them, ne?"

Sasuke blushed when his friends giggled. It only deepened when Suri flicked his nose.

"What do you say, little bird?" Suri asked, running her fingers through his hair. "Will you come visit us in Snow Country?"

"Well, you know, I do have a vacation coming up," he said. "I think we can squeeze in a visit… or a whole vacation."

She nodded authoritatively. "That sounds like a good plan. We have much more… interesting… brothels in Snow Country."

"Good," Sasuke murmured, leaning down to press her into the couch and kissing her again. "Because I'm going to take you to every single one of them."

* * *

**A/N:** I have nothing to say about this. 


End file.
